“Never let emotions control your actions”
I was in New York last week and decided to touch base with my friends from Notre Dame. One of them related to me her latest heartbreak and how her family showed their support for her and this was what her dad said: "Never let your emotions control your actions."
Two years ago, I decided with another person that our faiths and families were more important than us being together. I still remember crying and sobbing for months after I broke up with him. It was the first time that I really did cry for any guy. And I cried for months! I know now that if you wrench yourself away from someone you love, the pain seems so tangible, that you can feel it weigh you down. I remember that during those days, it took some effort for me to stand up and walk. I just felt so weighed down.
Was that love? My mother said that maybe it wasn’t. She said that the fact that we still placed our faiths and families above our feelings for each other may indicate that we did not actually love each other.
And this brings me to another thing that someone else told me so many years ago. Someone said that love is a conscious decision and not just an emotion. When you love someone, you consciously tell yourself that you will stand by this person no matter what. It is your mind, and not your heart, which decides that you will stay with this person for the rest of your life.
I think that two years ago, I may have lived the advice of my friend’s dad. My emotions, at that time, were telling me to stay with him, but my mind told me that staying with him would make both our lives a living hell.
Am I happy that I did not let my emotions control my actions? There are days that I still feel sad about it and yes, I still miss him from time to time. There are days, however, that I am glad. I am not sure if I would ever find someone like him again, but I know that we now both have happier lives ahead of us because of our decision to go our separate ways.
Yes, I guess it is true that love is a conscious decision and not just an emotion. Love means not letting your emotions control your actions. If you love someone, it does not only mean consciously deciding that you will stay with this person for the rest of your life.
It may also mean making the painful decision of letting each other go.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Hi Em. Good to see you writing blogs again. How have you been doing? Yes, I can relate to this particular blog entry. Oh well, we’re strong women. We can shed buckets of tears but, in the end, we will always move forward with so much joy in our hearts. Take care, Em.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Hi, Em! Hmmmm, do I know that high school crush of yours? (wink, wink…)
On emotions not influencing our actions… Maybe for love, this is true. I left my most recent ex because - and I just realized this months ago - I didn’t really love him that much. There were things about him that I couldn’t accept and wasn’t willing to live with for the rest of my life.
But when it comes to other things like work, I’ve realized recently that we cannot really isolate our brains and hearts from each other. Perhaps it’s more of finding a balance between what the brain and heart are telling you. Soon, I have to make a decision. And I will wave my brain goodbye and just listen to what my heart will tell me - that thing that will really make me happy. Hope to bring you some good news soon.
Take care!
October 28th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
You write very well.