Umalis na si Anton
Umalis na si Anton papuntang Pilipinas. He’s going to spend his summer there and then come back to South Bend in August. I got sad because I probably won’t be seeing him anymore until perhaps in December when I fly back here from Geneva. Wala na akong nanay-nanayan. He gave me some advice though before he left. He said I should accept change and not be afraid to move forward. He knows that I don’t want to stay in Geneva because Nahyan is here. I don’t want to leave Nahyan. Anton reminded me of what he taught me before back in college in UP…realism. Realism is constant change. He said that I should accept that and have no fear.
Change is frightening for me right now. Does change mean that I would have to leave this person forever? Does change mean having to struggle again in an unknown land? Without friends? Without family?
But change is a friend to me somehow. I remind myself constantly that years often make people change. It sometimes disturbs me though that some of my friends are stuck in the past and have not acknowledged change. For instance, one of my friends was ranting about how annoyed she is because one of our other friends is being nasty to another girl. Then, I reminded her that another one of our friends is also always nasty towards me, but she does not get annoyed. I even sometimes get the sense that she encourages such nastiness towards me. Her response, "Well, I can sort of see where she is coming from." Okaaayyy…maybe more than ten years ago, in 1994 or thereabouts, I was nasty towards this girl. But for several years now, I’ve been pretty decent towards her. In fact, I haven’t even had any contact with her anymore! Does my one single time of nastiness more than ten years ago merit a lifetime of counter-nastiness? Hmmmm. That does not seem fair. Doesn’t my ten years ++ of struggling to be a better person not account for anything?
Ah well…such is life. Even your friends can turn a blind eye towards the changes you’ve gone through. Anton told me to accept change because that is realism. If your friends stay stuck in the ‘fabulous’ ’80s or ’90s and not change with you, would you still want them to be your friends? Anton…what is the answer to that?
