Nothing in Return
It has been a month now and we finally had The Discussion. I did not want to talk about it, but he insisted because according to him, sooner or later, we would have to talk about it.
He is afraid to challenge convention. He comes from an old and established family in his country. Although they are no longer traditional, he thinks mixing our two worlds would be problematic. We have different faiths and different cultures. We are both faithful to our beliefs and fiercely patriotic to our countries. I was expecting this and I am holding on to my decision: I will continue to feel what I feel for him now and I will not ask for anything in return. I think I have run away too many times. It’s time to just stand firm…at least for now.
I have lived for three decades in this world. I know that life is tough and I know that when you open your heart out to someone, you are most liable to get hurt. But I also know that after getting hurt, I can recover. I have stood up so many times after terrible terrible falls. I now know myself and yes, I will feel this way as long as I can without expecting anything in return.
April 19th, 2006 at 5:24 am
it is absolutely true em. when we reach this certain age we do not want to live life w/regrets. this certain blog of yours really hit a raw nerve. especially the one that mentioned about faith. but hey, it is better to have shown somebody what you really feel rather than keep it all to yourself.
June 17th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
AT ANY other time i would have cried while reading this-not now-not this time. i have just read all your blog post and have seen your change -indeed!
right on em - stand up and stay as long as you can. you never did know yourself how tough you are, how you seemed so stroong looking.
so what’s next now?
congratulations too! you’re done with your LLM.