Wala Lang

Yesterday afternoon, I went to the library with the intention to do some studying.  Unfortunately, one of my classmates was there and he so wanted to discuss with me his love and admiration for another classmate of ours.  He probably thought that I could help him further his courtship since the object of his affection happened to be a very good friend of mine.  He did not know, however, that the girl did not exactly welcome his advances.  And so, I had to sit through an hour of short sentences and rapid hand gestures since the poor guy cannot speak English too well.  When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I had to excuse myself and told him that I promised my mother I’d be home in an hour to take her call.  Then, I ran swiftly away.

I was sorry for the guy though.  There was also a time in my life when I liked someone so much that I had to talk about him a lot to others.  It wasn’t easy.  However, I do miss those days when you can feel your stomach turn by the mere sight of him…that so "kilig" feeling.  I haven’t felt that for quite some time now.  And I guess I need that right now.  Not the unrequited love, of course.  That would be too painful.  It would just feel nice maybe to know that there’s someone out there who actually wants having you around.

I am an FOB or what they call here in the US, fresh-off-the-boat.  Two Sundays ago, I arrived in San Francisco where I will be staying for a couple of weeks before flying off to Indiana to become a student all over again. 

A lot of things are making me nervous these days.  First, being in a new place is quite unnerving.  I tried to be brave and ventured out on my own last week despite the protests of well-meaning friends.  And yes, I promptly got lost.  Luckily, I got lost in the Castro district where it seems all the friendly people in San Francisco live.  That’s because most of the people there are gay.  One of the people there even walked me to the corner where I should be waiting for my bus!  Three cheers for gay America!

The second thing which is making me nervous is being a student all over again.  I will not be earning my own money again for the next few months, which is scaring me out of my wits.  I look at all the bags, shoes, and clothes to be bought in the clearance sales of this good city and I start wanting to kick myself.  Sales are a no-no right now.  I try to tell myself that clearance sales will always be there after I get my masters degree.  Watch out, Macy’s!

The third thing I’m worried about is that why are they calling it summer here in San Francisco when I am freezing in the middle of downtown??!!!!  What is winter here then?  I miss Tandang Sora weather.  I miss Cebu weather.  I miss my family, my dog, and even the neighborhood tricycle driver! I try not to say these things out loud because I might begin to cry.  In my family, thirty-year olds are not allowed to cry.

So, I go on with my life.  I continue to observe the natives here in San Francisco.  One thing’s for sure, though…I’m not leaving my heart in this city!